Baby, the Other White Meat

In my efforts to learn more about the human body and how hairs grow in strange parts of the human anatomy, I decided to ask the Gohs out for dinner. They normally know more about topics like this than I do so I thought we should dine together so that their intelligence can be permeated to me during our meal. The venue where the permeation would take place was the Sunset Bar & Grill.

The destination was tough enough to get there in the dark, but we managed to scramble through the weeds and bushes and landed in an area that some believe to be non-existent in Singapore. A piece of land with no nearby concrete housing estate, and no bourgeois smell of affluence.

I can tell that times are bad when baby is on the menu. I mean our dear government is already handing out money to tell us to have babies, but having babies on the menu, even for my low moral standards might be taking it alittle too far.

The general consensus was that the food( the wings we ordered were level 1 hotness, but it was still wings, my sirloin steak had too much fat even though fat is a good thing on beef, the BLT the wife ordered looked like a BLT, chili con carne was average and the BBQ meat combination was bbq!?! )here was average. I don't know what the hopping and hollering about this place was all about but you feel like in the 70s, which might be a drugged up and nostalgic thing, but like the Italian food I suggested in the earlier posts, sometimes Singaporeans don't know what good American food is.

In the picture taken above, Man-Goh was pictured examining the baby to see if it was worth a meal ....... you know like how we pick crabs out at seafood restaurants?

But alas, it was a dream! All a dream. The bad food was the bowels talking. The baby is safe. Nobody ate the baby and the restaurant never served baby. Thank goodness! But I have to admit that it sure was tempting though. Soft skin, fatty legs, juicy arms...

Baby - Good.

Food - Bad.

A Move Will Do You Good

I live a life of convenience. So sometimes I go to places not because it is good. But because it is easy. (Harry Potter anybody?) And one of those places that I for some reason (the calzone) or another (no good italian restaurants in the east) frequent is Al Forno's.

I have brought many people there and I have to say each time I have been rarely moved. Well, my bowels at least. The food has always been mediocre and it seems that Italians don't mind feeding locals with bad italian food because Singaporeans can't tell the difference. I have a curse like Harry's scar on his forehead. So I can.

Recently, or not so recently, they moved across the street. I have been there countless of times but I have to addmit that ever since the move (although a temporary one), their food quality has improved. Before I would gripe about their poor service, and I still do, but their food quality has dramatically improved. I have been back twice since the move and I have to say that each time, I left satisfied (which is quite rare if you ask my wife).

The calzone comes out pipping hot, the stuffings in the calzone has increased, the quality of olive oil has improved, my spaghetti vongole was delicious, not as good as Valentino's but still decent. And I leave the place telling myself that I might actually WANT to come back.

Two Thumbs!

In search and trying to understand my chinese roots. Or in this case, some Chinese people might call it ginseng. I have encouraged my wife and my other half to try to eat more Chinese food.

Well, I have been trying and our recent excursion to Tang Dian Wang gives a glimpse of what I think about this kind of pseudo chinese restaurant with excellent service.

So let me finish this review with another question and an answer.

Who has 2 thumbs and doesn't like this restaurant?

This guy.

But the service was excellent though. Wish the food was better.

A Reviewer's Lament.

I often follow many maxims/axioms/philosophies/religions in life and one one of the best one liners I have heard is that when life gives you lament, make lament juice.



As I capriciously consider the compounding confluence of my constant consternation, I lament the meaning of contentment and consider the congested and cogent considerations of my cognitive castrations. Food is not contentment.



In fact, forcibly and frightfully, food are for fools who feed on the many facets and flavors and freshest fervor for fatiguing fragrances and frothing fermentation of fat, fried, flamb'ed feasts in functions and forms in foreign intestinal fornication.

Alas. All is asunder.

R2D2 Strikes Back!!!!!!!

=

Since Vader is on gardening leave, I have decided to entrust my blog duties on my Samsung i600, and to no one's surprise, I call my new old phone r2d2.

Like r2, my new old phone makes inexplicable noises that only I understand, shoots out light sabers in times of danger and farts an occasional gas fire when it has to protect itself. Yes, my r2 does all these things and more.

For those who actually bother, thats not really my hand even though I have been told many times that I have the perfect face for a hand model.

I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi!

I wish to inform all the 2 readers of my blog that Vader ( my imaginary 3G Iphone ) is finally on gardening leave.

Pu Tien - I Am A Happy Chinese Man

So I finally have some one on one time with the Gohs, and of course the Mini Goh. Man Goh decided to have Chinese food, and I agreed. I have never been to Pu Tien and honestly wasn't excited about the menu. It scared me. I didn't know Chinese people ate like that. I didn't know Chinese!

We worshiped at the Pu Tien Marina Square because of its convenience and proximity of the largest wheel in town. The wait was strenuous and service was delayed. The plan was to be there a long time to test out how good their service was and well, and sometimes it wasn't there. I blame Mini Goh because without him, we wouldn't be put in a corner where I found out was the service Bermuda triangle, no servers were ever there longer than 30seconds and they disappeared. No one knows where they are until today.

Another thing I do blame Mini Goh, the food was actually pretty good. I learned from Man and Lady Goh that the food was from a specific Chinese dialect group which I was obviously happily not apart of. Yam crusted duck, chicken that only pregnant ladies can eat, pan fried pork shred with onions together with fried bread, vegetable stir fried in garlic and century egg, wonderful stir fried noodles that had everything in it and soup noodles that I have to say, with all my heart was the best thing I ate last week.

And the last thing I do blame mini Goh for is that I have learnt that Chinese people do make pretty babies. Or in his case, handsome babies.

Will go back. Just for the babies.

I AM PRETENTIOUS!! OH YES I AM!!

And you will still not read my blog!!!

Like a girl that I once dumped and took back and dumped again, I have returned to PS Cafe. This time, at Palais Renaissance . I have discovered that it is okay to be snobbish and its okay to have breakfast at a place that is absolutely out of my social circle and pay grade. It is okay to be surrounded by white people and it is okay to be in a surrounding that the other patrons look down at my shoddy shorts and t shirt and most importantly, it is okay that heterosexuality is still an acceptable social practice.

I feel like I am a cast from Sex in the City even though I really have no idea what Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda really stand for and it is okay to have breakfast brul'ee for lunch!

I am free because I am PRETENTIOUS!! I am pretentious because I am free! Oh the logic of life, it all makes sense!

Jalan Tua Kong

As my age loses ground on me, I realize that there is a need to be a "regular customer," at a certain place at a certain time, to go to a place where someone knows your name, where everyone stays the same, or at least it sounds something like part of a song from a television show.

I would severely recommend the noodles at Jalan Tua Kong except the fact that the lady always looks like she doesn't want my business, and its always crowded and hot, and the noodles are slightly over priced. BUT noodles are done al dente and quality is high.

Sigh.

A quandary people. QUANDARY! I MUST PROTEST!

TRIBUTE

Exciting News! Borders at Wheelock is having a sale yesterday and tomorrow. All the cooking books are at 20% off unless they have already been previously reduced.

Beautiful cover for a pretty cool cook book.

My Tribute.

You too Carl's Jr?

The missus and I decided to do something different today, so instead of sitting in front of the television after work, we decided to park our royal behinds in a movie theatre for a greater cost - To enter into the spiritual realm that is Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr, The Edge and Bono, collectively known to the minions as the legendary Irish super rock band U2; who allegedly has a stereoscopic recording of their concert in Buenos Aires where they rocked out in cool 3D vision titled: (see alphabets and numbers in picture).

Unbeknownst to none, if my life had a soundtrack, there would be only 2 bands allowed to play my life songs, one would be the greatest British (I say the world) band of all time, The Beatles, and the other would be U2, but you must be thinking "This is a food blog, what does U2 have to do with food?"

Thus my imaginary and profound response would be "Why are you reading my blog?"

We had Carl's Jr for dinner today and I really just have to say a couple of things: Carl's Jr was a place I initially endorsed but I have to say that every time I go there for a meal, my tummy screams in a Will Ferrel voice "Why the hell are you torturing me? What have I ever done to you but move your bowels?"

And U2 rocks.

Kenny Kenny Kenny

Whenever we don't know where to eat, we always end up at Kenny's. Why? I don't know. Is it over priced for simple roast chicken? Yes. Is half of kenny's chicken worth $21? No. Is the service fantastic? No. Is it because the wife loves the Mac and Cheese? Yes. I can't for the life of me figure out how chains like this which typically sucks in the USA do so well in this part of the world. Its the same question I ask about Tony Roma's, Carl's Jr, Long John Silver, Gloria Jean's Coffee, and many others. Is it because Asians really crave bad western food or is it because we don't know know what's good for us?

Whatever you might think, these companies do follow a simple Kenny Roger's philosophy which can be best described in a song called "the gambler,"

"You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when youre sittin at the table. There'll be time enough for countin when the dealins done. "

See you at Kenny Rogers!

Chain Smoking

Previously discussed in my earlier posts, I have begun frequenting chains and the above pictured place is a chain I frequently attend.

Over the weekend, my wife commented that the food standard dropped. The Beggar's tofu was slightly cold in the middle and the vegetables were not as well stir fried, now I don't know much about chinese food but since my wife is a Republican, she probably knows what she is talking about because they have voted for G Dub twice over 8 years.

On the other hand, I reckon this might just be a one off thing where the food at this particular outlet wasn't too good and maybe we were the last few customers left at that particular outlet on that Saturday afternoon, and maybe because the soups there give me happy memories of simpler times and my grandma's cooking?

I Shall Return.

A Dome in A Bush is Better than None.

One of the perks of being an I.T. HOBO is that you get to meet people where ever you feel like just as long as you call it a "business meeting,' so sometimes because my life isn't exciting and dangerous enough, I arrange a meeting at DOME. A place where my better half claims that it " has a weird smell, " and it "doesn't conform to what we normally call a restaurant," because " it's not a restaurant," and the food is " not so good," and we don't understand why " people go there.

What all this means? I would actually go back there for my meaningless "business meetings." And I would do so gladly. But just for drinks. Like an ice tea. And because starbucks doesn't serve ice tea.

My Letter to Raffles Hotel's Long Bar

Dear Raffles Hotel Long Bar Food Decider People,

With all due respect, serving duck liver for Thanksgiving is like serving Spaghetti Bolognaise to my bi polar grandmother for reunion dinner during Chinese New Year. She will look at it, smell it, then throw it across the room and cry because her kids and grand kids are so stupid for serving spaghetti during Chinese New Year and then start laughing at us because of the idiots that we have become.

Regards,

Obtuse Gourmand

Recession Advice Part 127

In my on going series of fighting the recession, my advice out of the many for my readers in this installment is: EAT AT OLD MARKETS to save money.

Yes, that's right. You heard me. Eat at old markets. In fact, if you can't sleep at night and you're feeling hungry in the east, go down to Bedok North block 85 and eat something cheap. You have noodles, satay, carrot cake, hokkien mee, porridge, the works. And its probably cheaper if you're broke.

Rumors are rampant that elections might be coming up in Singapore pretty soon or later or never; and when you do meet your area MPs or when you meet representatives at a PAP rally, or when they come to your house and try to solicit your vote, ask them this: " What is your stance on keeping old markets in Singapore alive?" And I think you should base your decision to vote based on this proposition. And purely this. Because if there are no old markets, where will poor people like us eat?

Keep Hope Alive. Keep Old Markets Alive!

Yes We Can! Say it with me! Yes We Can!

Can you dig it?

JUICE

I highly recommend this magazine for breakfast. Like the title of the magazine suggests, its nutritious and its a great way to start your day. More importantly, its free and it not only implicitly healthy, but it tells you what it can do for you.

Take a copy and read it. Its all about food and wine. Really.

Did I tell you that this magazine can be best described in 3 words? Hint: Its on the cover.

Thoughts on Miele's Top 10 Asian Restaurants

Recently, Miele came out with the "Top 20 Asian Restaurants," and I have to say I am both delighted and disgusted.

Delighted because I have been to 4 of the top 10, disgusted because the guy that sells me my 30 cent curry puff at the MRT station is not on that list.

There is no justice in this world at all.

Ask yourself this while you read the lists, " Where's the Puff?"

The Secret Lives of Ducks and Pigs ...

and sometimes chicken.

They often end up on my plate.

A great place in the east to eat roast duck and roast pork is Ming Kee Cantonese Roast Duck at Bedok South Ave 3. Service is horrible. Food is fantastic. So good that I actually go there every week and I don't know why I'm telling people about it.

Keep this to yourself okay?

Phallic Snacks I Often Put In My Mouth

If you want to do what I am suggesting in my title, go to Fei Siong or Bread Talk.

It will be quite a mouthful. But DELICIOUS.

DTF

Since I last went for my hunger strike. There are several Chinese chain stores that I regularly attend. Din Tai Fung is one of them. I like their dumplings. The fried rice is excellent, and their bean and mince pork noodles remain great.

But I think I have found another better dumpling place. Hint: It's in Chinatown.

Would I go back again? Of course.

Vader Reads This Blog!

Before I forget, all the pictures and thoughts on this blog are done with the IPHONE 3G. This blog is however not sponsored by Apple and I would like to say that the phone sucks.

Da Mario's Pizzeria

Da Mario's Pizzeria is located across from Gallery Hotel. We ordered a Capriciosia Pizza, a squid ink pasta, and a rock melon with proscuitto and a glass of house white. Damage was $68.

In Singapore, many restaurants get italian cuisine wrong. But this small "hole in the wall," really is a small restaurant with lots of tables lined up in the lobby area gets it right. Okay. Not Garibaldis or Valentino's right. But good, borderline great. I would put them on my 2nd level of Italian restaurants to go to in Singapore.

The squid ink pasta was very good, spicy and full of garlic and flavor, pizza toppings were fresh and rock melon and proscuitto was plentiful and sweet. Would I go back?

Most definitely.

Freshly Baked By Le Bijoux

So I finally decided to eat. After so many months of going on a hunger strike for a good cause ( a republican win ), I have decided to write again. This time, just notes. Not MUSINGS.

A friend of mine showed me her HERWORLD magazine and I thought I needed to go to this place. Freshly Baked By Le Bijoux, at 57 Killiney Road, right across from the Singtel building at Somerset. A small store along a richie rich enclave visited by aunties with big hair and foreigners.

Service was excellent and food was decent. We picked up a delicious doughnut, banana bread and some scones to bring home to sample the fare but the review for that will come later. Our damage was $34.

Would I go back again? Yes. But I do wish that there was more ingredients in the sandwich. We ordered a beef hash and egg sandwich (pictured ) and a BLT (pictured above) along with a bottle of Iced Tea and distilled water.

Botak Jones

What don't you guys already know about good 'ole American food on this urbanized island! Burgers, steaks, hotdogs, huge pile of fries in fairly large portions... you've heard them all before. We got Billy Bombers doing the diner style thing, Jerry's (long service award) and a plethora of other similar themed restaurants.

So how does Botak Jones differ from the rest ? The first outlet was started in - of all places - TUAS. Well obviously Mr Jones saw fit to provide good quality American style food in our local version of the casual diner - the hawker center/coffee shop. This concept worked so well that he's since spawned a few other outlets around the island.

Botak Jones latest month old outlet occupies a 2 stall space at the corner of a newly renovated coffee shop along Depot Road. A brightly lit neon sign made in the likeness of Mr Jones' famous outline is perched in the left hand corner of the roof edge of the coffee shop. Located just before CMPB (in the direction towards Henderson Road), this place does brisk business catering to the lunch crowd pouring in from nearby factories and office buildings.

The electronic cash register, popular tunes blasting in the background from the 80s and 90s and a bunch of friendly sales staff looked a little out of place in our context of the local coffee shop but it's a refreshing change nonetheless.

Boasting an extensive menu serving everything from soups to burgers, hotty dogs, quality USDA / Australian steaks, there's definitely something of everyone.

We ordered a 200gm lamb chop and chili dog and sat down. Within a minute, a friendly waitstaff (in a coffee shop?!??!) brought the cutlery and an array of sauces - american mustard, HP sauce, chili, ketchup. Impressive huh.

6 minutes later, our meals came. Both plates were similary piled with servings of well seasoned and freshly fried cajun fries, fresh coleslaw (I mean fresh not that KFC crap), some lettuce. The lamb chops were well seasoned.. I think too well seasoned to the point where I couldn't really taste the gamey original flavour of the meat. It came with some creamy shitake mushroom dressing and a small dollop of chopped mint sauce that looked remotely like shredded olives. The next time I order the lamb I'll skip the cream sauce as it makes the dish too... how shall we put it.. rich ??

The hotty dog... I mean chili dog was huge. I mean HUGE. Like baseball game frankfurter huge. The bun was mushy from all the chili lathered in the sausage. Chopped onions, chili, minced beef.. pretty authentic alright.

You probably guess we couldn't finish the huge portions! Another excellent waitstaff brought over 2 styrofoam containers lined with aluminium foil to doggy bag the leftoevers - 1 for the fries, 1 for the hotdog. So polite! Even gave us a copy of the menu to take home and advised us to come for dinner as lunch is quite packed.

Cost us $21 bucks. Not exactly coffee shop pricing - you can have tze char for that kind of dough but the food was pretty satisfying. Can try lah. :)

Say Wa-Gyu!

Yummy yummy yummy... Daddy dearest brought home a nice block of wagyu today. Apparently a grade 7-8 type from Australia. Kindly left 3 slices for the wife and me to sear for dinner. We got home quite late today - 930pm so you can guess how hungry we were.

Fired up the frying pan (I know you wagyu purists will tell me the best way to cook it is over an open flame really quickly because the melting point of the fat is lower than regular beef) and seared each side for about 30 seconds. The meat wasn't cut too thick.. I reckon it was about a centimeter or so.

The end result was perfect. Somewhere between medium rare - medium on some parts of the meat seasoned with a few pinches of sea salt.

Even my dog was extra alert today. Wagyu oishi desu ne!!

Impromptu...

It's always nice to have a good meal to cap off your hard week at work. I like putting such events on my calendar as it does help to motivate my work week. It didn't help that the wife had to attend ANOTHER wedding dinner on Saturday - dining alone is not exactly very fun. Dining with other women is certainly not an option anymore (unless the wife is overseas of course)...

Before I get into more trouble, I'd better chug along with the main purpose of this blog. Yours truly was literally roped in at the last minute to enjoy a dinner organized by some of my dad's long time friends. They were booked into an Italian restaurant called Bologna at the Marina Mandarin Hotel. Now FC and me have been here before. The standards have been rather, how shall we put it, mediocre. Not tonight.

We were seated in the far corner of the restaurant, nearly 90% hidden from regular tables via the use of some sliding doors. The menu for that evening was totally customized and neatly printed... even nicer than some wedding menus I've ever come across.

To simplify the menu for yous guys at the risk of getting battered by the chef and insulting his marketing prowess, I present to you my fully digested meal for Saturday.

Puff Pastry with Mushroom - OK only lah. Puff pastry was burnt at the bottom. Quite flaky though but definitely not a fantastic starter. Would have preferred some ice cold fresh oyster shooters with vodka and tabasco. 5/10

Zuppa di... it was some tomatoey soup. Light and zesty with soft veggies for some texture. 7/10

Risotto with Porcini mushrooms - Well done. Creamy, with the rice cooked just right with a little bite to it. Porcini mushrooms added to the texture. Bits of parmesan in the mix made every spoonful a delight. Had 3 additional spoonfuls plated to me by Aunty XX seated next to me. 7.5/10

Salmon with creamed potatoes - It's real easy to muck up a dish as simple as this. You need a really fresh catch to make this work. Simply seasoned with some sea salt and chopped herbs served on a mound of creamy mash. 9/10

Roast rack of lamb - I tell you what it gets better with the lamb. Cooked till it's just exhibiting a nice hue of magenta/pink with a beautiful layer of fat in between the meat. Light drizzle of demiglace at the side. One of the best lambs I have ever tasted. Honest to goodness. 9/10

Tiramisu - A little too rich for my liking to finish off the meal. Plenty of mascarpone oozing from the front of the slice. Not too sweet. Didn't do it for me but I'd give 6/10

We had 3 obscenely expensive choices of alcohol to wash it all down with that evening. Actually there were 4 but being late, I wasn't offered the single malt whisky of scottish origin in a nice, brown box.

Champagne - Moet et Chandon 1988 Vintage Dom Perignon. Rated 93 by Wine Spectator.








Wine number #1 - Chateau Mouton Rothschild Pauillac 1989. Bordeaux blend. Rated 90 by Robert Parker and 98 by Wine Spectator. Only had a glass of this one. Didn't like it.

Wine number #2 - Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1988 magnum sized bottle. Bordeaux blend. Rated 90 by Wine Spectator and 94 by Robert Parker. Washed down 3 glasses of this. Heh heh.


There was another lovely delicate white. Fantastic bouquet and very very drinkable. I forgot the label but I need to know that one because I want to drink it again.

The wines alone could pay for 6.5 months worth of groceries based on an average of $100 a week.

In the end, the wife had to drive me home. I mean we both consumed copious amounts of alcohol that evening (she at the wedding, me at the party) but she holds her drinks so much better than I do!

So there you have it, good food, great wine and excellent company... I think I learned more about the mechanics of the good life in 2 hours than I'll ever learn for the rest of the year. You know plenty of us aspire to live the good life.. live in a nice posh home, drive a fancy automobile, eat at the swankiest places... I just think the most important things are godliness and contentment because without those, your Porsche would become just "another toy" in your garage.

I look forward to more value for money wines, porridge, salted fish and beansprouts and homemade espresso.

Ciao.

Advanced Seat Reservations in Singapore

It is culturally accepted in Singapore that packets of tissue paper represent seat reservation at a food-court. How ingenious? And the funny thing is that nobody really challenges it and it is widely practiced by women.

Strange but true.

Best Pints of Commercial Ice Cream Ever!

The best pints of Commercial Ice Cream in the world. You people should try it.