A Reviewer's Lament.

I often follow many maxims/axioms/philosophies/religions in life and one one of the best one liners I have heard is that when life gives you lament, make lament juice.



As I capriciously consider the compounding confluence of my constant consternation, I lament the meaning of contentment and consider the congested and cogent considerations of my cognitive castrations. Food is not contentment.



In fact, forcibly and frightfully, food are for fools who feed on the many facets and flavors and freshest fervor for fatiguing fragrances and frothing fermentation of fat, fried, flamb'ed feasts in functions and forms in foreign intestinal fornication.

Alas. All is asunder.

R2D2 Strikes Back!!!!!!!

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Since Vader is on gardening leave, I have decided to entrust my blog duties on my Samsung i600, and to no one's surprise, I call my new old phone r2d2.

Like r2, my new old phone makes inexplicable noises that only I understand, shoots out light sabers in times of danger and farts an occasional gas fire when it has to protect itself. Yes, my r2 does all these things and more.

For those who actually bother, thats not really my hand even though I have been told many times that I have the perfect face for a hand model.

I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi! I'm a Jedi!

I wish to inform all the 2 readers of my blog that Vader ( my imaginary 3G Iphone ) is finally on gardening leave.

Pu Tien - I Am A Happy Chinese Man

So I finally have some one on one time with the Gohs, and of course the Mini Goh. Man Goh decided to have Chinese food, and I agreed. I have never been to Pu Tien and honestly wasn't excited about the menu. It scared me. I didn't know Chinese people ate like that. I didn't know Chinese!

We worshiped at the Pu Tien Marina Square because of its convenience and proximity of the largest wheel in town. The wait was strenuous and service was delayed. The plan was to be there a long time to test out how good their service was and well, and sometimes it wasn't there. I blame Mini Goh because without him, we wouldn't be put in a corner where I found out was the service Bermuda triangle, no servers were ever there longer than 30seconds and they disappeared. No one knows where they are until today.

Another thing I do blame Mini Goh, the food was actually pretty good. I learned from Man and Lady Goh that the food was from a specific Chinese dialect group which I was obviously happily not apart of. Yam crusted duck, chicken that only pregnant ladies can eat, pan fried pork shred with onions together with fried bread, vegetable stir fried in garlic and century egg, wonderful stir fried noodles that had everything in it and soup noodles that I have to say, with all my heart was the best thing I ate last week.

And the last thing I do blame mini Goh for is that I have learnt that Chinese people do make pretty babies. Or in his case, handsome babies.

Will go back. Just for the babies.

I AM PRETENTIOUS!! OH YES I AM!!

And you will still not read my blog!!!

Like a girl that I once dumped and took back and dumped again, I have returned to PS Cafe. This time, at Palais Renaissance . I have discovered that it is okay to be snobbish and its okay to have breakfast at a place that is absolutely out of my social circle and pay grade. It is okay to be surrounded by white people and it is okay to be in a surrounding that the other patrons look down at my shoddy shorts and t shirt and most importantly, it is okay that heterosexuality is still an acceptable social practice.

I feel like I am a cast from Sex in the City even though I really have no idea what Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda really stand for and it is okay to have breakfast brul'ee for lunch!

I am free because I am PRETENTIOUS!! I am pretentious because I am free! Oh the logic of life, it all makes sense!

Jalan Tua Kong

As my age loses ground on me, I realize that there is a need to be a "regular customer," at a certain place at a certain time, to go to a place where someone knows your name, where everyone stays the same, or at least it sounds something like part of a song from a television show.

I would severely recommend the noodles at Jalan Tua Kong except the fact that the lady always looks like she doesn't want my business, and its always crowded and hot, and the noodles are slightly over priced. BUT noodles are done al dente and quality is high.

Sigh.

A quandary people. QUANDARY! I MUST PROTEST!

TRIBUTE

Exciting News! Borders at Wheelock is having a sale yesterday and tomorrow. All the cooking books are at 20% off unless they have already been previously reduced.

Beautiful cover for a pretty cool cook book.

My Tribute.

You too Carl's Jr?

The missus and I decided to do something different today, so instead of sitting in front of the television after work, we decided to park our royal behinds in a movie theatre for a greater cost - To enter into the spiritual realm that is Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr, The Edge and Bono, collectively known to the minions as the legendary Irish super rock band U2; who allegedly has a stereoscopic recording of their concert in Buenos Aires where they rocked out in cool 3D vision titled: (see alphabets and numbers in picture).

Unbeknownst to none, if my life had a soundtrack, there would be only 2 bands allowed to play my life songs, one would be the greatest British (I say the world) band of all time, The Beatles, and the other would be U2, but you must be thinking "This is a food blog, what does U2 have to do with food?"

Thus my imaginary and profound response would be "Why are you reading my blog?"

We had Carl's Jr for dinner today and I really just have to say a couple of things: Carl's Jr was a place I initially endorsed but I have to say that every time I go there for a meal, my tummy screams in a Will Ferrel voice "Why the hell are you torturing me? What have I ever done to you but move your bowels?"

And U2 rocks.

Kenny Kenny Kenny

Whenever we don't know where to eat, we always end up at Kenny's. Why? I don't know. Is it over priced for simple roast chicken? Yes. Is half of kenny's chicken worth $21? No. Is the service fantastic? No. Is it because the wife loves the Mac and Cheese? Yes. I can't for the life of me figure out how chains like this which typically sucks in the USA do so well in this part of the world. Its the same question I ask about Tony Roma's, Carl's Jr, Long John Silver, Gloria Jean's Coffee, and many others. Is it because Asians really crave bad western food or is it because we don't know know what's good for us?

Whatever you might think, these companies do follow a simple Kenny Roger's philosophy which can be best described in a song called "the gambler,"

"You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when youre sittin at the table. There'll be time enough for countin when the dealins done. "

See you at Kenny Rogers!

Chain Smoking

Previously discussed in my earlier posts, I have begun frequenting chains and the above pictured place is a chain I frequently attend.

Over the weekend, my wife commented that the food standard dropped. The Beggar's tofu was slightly cold in the middle and the vegetables were not as well stir fried, now I don't know much about chinese food but since my wife is a Republican, she probably knows what she is talking about because they have voted for G Dub twice over 8 years.

On the other hand, I reckon this might just be a one off thing where the food at this particular outlet wasn't too good and maybe we were the last few customers left at that particular outlet on that Saturday afternoon, and maybe because the soups there give me happy memories of simpler times and my grandma's cooking?

I Shall Return.

A Dome in A Bush is Better than None.

One of the perks of being an I.T. HOBO is that you get to meet people where ever you feel like just as long as you call it a "business meeting,' so sometimes because my life isn't exciting and dangerous enough, I arrange a meeting at DOME. A place where my better half claims that it " has a weird smell, " and it "doesn't conform to what we normally call a restaurant," because " it's not a restaurant," and the food is " not so good," and we don't understand why " people go there.

What all this means? I would actually go back there for my meaningless "business meetings." And I would do so gladly. But just for drinks. Like an ice tea. And because starbucks doesn't serve ice tea.

My Letter to Raffles Hotel's Long Bar

Dear Raffles Hotel Long Bar Food Decider People,

With all due respect, serving duck liver for Thanksgiving is like serving Spaghetti Bolognaise to my bi polar grandmother for reunion dinner during Chinese New Year. She will look at it, smell it, then throw it across the room and cry because her kids and grand kids are so stupid for serving spaghetti during Chinese New Year and then start laughing at us because of the idiots that we have become.

Regards,

Obtuse Gourmand

Recession Advice Part 127

In my on going series of fighting the recession, my advice out of the many for my readers in this installment is: EAT AT OLD MARKETS to save money.

Yes, that's right. You heard me. Eat at old markets. In fact, if you can't sleep at night and you're feeling hungry in the east, go down to Bedok North block 85 and eat something cheap. You have noodles, satay, carrot cake, hokkien mee, porridge, the works. And its probably cheaper if you're broke.

Rumors are rampant that elections might be coming up in Singapore pretty soon or later or never; and when you do meet your area MPs or when you meet representatives at a PAP rally, or when they come to your house and try to solicit your vote, ask them this: " What is your stance on keeping old markets in Singapore alive?" And I think you should base your decision to vote based on this proposition. And purely this. Because if there are no old markets, where will poor people like us eat?

Keep Hope Alive. Keep Old Markets Alive!

Yes We Can! Say it with me! Yes We Can!

Can you dig it?

JUICE

I highly recommend this magazine for breakfast. Like the title of the magazine suggests, its nutritious and its a great way to start your day. More importantly, its free and it not only implicitly healthy, but it tells you what it can do for you.

Take a copy and read it. Its all about food and wine. Really.

Did I tell you that this magazine can be best described in 3 words? Hint: Its on the cover.

Thoughts on Miele's Top 10 Asian Restaurants

Recently, Miele came out with the "Top 20 Asian Restaurants," and I have to say I am both delighted and disgusted.

Delighted because I have been to 4 of the top 10, disgusted because the guy that sells me my 30 cent curry puff at the MRT station is not on that list.

There is no justice in this world at all.

Ask yourself this while you read the lists, " Where's the Puff?"

The Secret Lives of Ducks and Pigs ...

and sometimes chicken.

They often end up on my plate.

A great place in the east to eat roast duck and roast pork is Ming Kee Cantonese Roast Duck at Bedok South Ave 3. Service is horrible. Food is fantastic. So good that I actually go there every week and I don't know why I'm telling people about it.

Keep this to yourself okay?

Phallic Snacks I Often Put In My Mouth

If you want to do what I am suggesting in my title, go to Fei Siong or Bread Talk.

It will be quite a mouthful. But DELICIOUS.

DTF

Since I last went for my hunger strike. There are several Chinese chain stores that I regularly attend. Din Tai Fung is one of them. I like their dumplings. The fried rice is excellent, and their bean and mince pork noodles remain great.

But I think I have found another better dumpling place. Hint: It's in Chinatown.

Would I go back again? Of course.

Vader Reads This Blog!

Before I forget, all the pictures and thoughts on this blog are done with the IPHONE 3G. This blog is however not sponsored by Apple and I would like to say that the phone sucks.

Da Mario's Pizzeria

Da Mario's Pizzeria is located across from Gallery Hotel. We ordered a Capriciosia Pizza, a squid ink pasta, and a rock melon with proscuitto and a glass of house white. Damage was $68.

In Singapore, many restaurants get italian cuisine wrong. But this small "hole in the wall," really is a small restaurant with lots of tables lined up in the lobby area gets it right. Okay. Not Garibaldis or Valentino's right. But good, borderline great. I would put them on my 2nd level of Italian restaurants to go to in Singapore.

The squid ink pasta was very good, spicy and full of garlic and flavor, pizza toppings were fresh and rock melon and proscuitto was plentiful and sweet. Would I go back?

Most definitely.

Freshly Baked By Le Bijoux

So I finally decided to eat. After so many months of going on a hunger strike for a good cause ( a republican win ), I have decided to write again. This time, just notes. Not MUSINGS.

A friend of mine showed me her HERWORLD magazine and I thought I needed to go to this place. Freshly Baked By Le Bijoux, at 57 Killiney Road, right across from the Singtel building at Somerset. A small store along a richie rich enclave visited by aunties with big hair and foreigners.

Service was excellent and food was decent. We picked up a delicious doughnut, banana bread and some scones to bring home to sample the fare but the review for that will come later. Our damage was $34.

Would I go back again? Yes. But I do wish that there was more ingredients in the sandwich. We ordered a beef hash and egg sandwich (pictured ) and a BLT (pictured above) along with a bottle of Iced Tea and distilled water.